Why So Serious?

I was never the type to be serious about anything. In retrospect, I turned everything into a joke. As a kid at the age of 8, I was never normal. I did things that you wouldn't expect a kid of that age to do. I smoked and drink with the older kids. I stole cigarettes from anyone who had some, and then stole liquor from stores. At first I did it to feel cool, but eventually it just became a habit. It was an escape for what was happening around me. Dark secrets that haunted me at night, thinking it was a game that was made to feel me uncomfortable. Incomplete broken family, who's love was needed. Having to see a friend being buried early. Despite the fact that I always remembered the bad things that went on. I was still immature enough to the point i'm pervertedly joking about stuff or just acting like kid playing with legos. I grew up being the weirdest guy with an unstable mood. when I was always picked on. They would make fun of the way I stutter when talking, being too shy to talk to anyone. In return, I would just laugh and spit on their face. Instigating a fight so I can be suspended for a couple of days and I get to be lazy at home. Just sleeping and hanging out with the older kids who ditched. It was a weird way of getting back at them, but I didn't know any other way to react. I never want to walk away and be the kid that just let people mess with. In addition, The way I look with my two front tooth making me look like a rabbit whenever I smile. I would use them to make my little brother laugh whenever we get to rough play fighting. I was never the best brother, but I cared about him the most. I would defend him, no matter how many kids wants to beat him up. I even remember when I got hit with a baseball bat, blocking it before it hits my little brother. I felt like I always have to defend him, being the only little brother I had. Also I was early with how my body develop, I started growing facial and body hair around 10 years old. I remember being called Chewbacca, I would just go with it and the noise it made. Just accepting what's true, making the best of it and not letting it get to me. I lower my self esteem before they can, I always got the last laugh. I never really cared about myself. Negativity surrounds me, thinking of the worst in any situation. Although I was like that, I never really show that side of me to people. I was resilient when it comes to petty name callings. I tend to just try my best to not get in anyone's way so they won't get in mine. I recently sobered up after many weeks of coughing blood. I had too many close calls with overdosing, and alcohol poisoning. I was done making the people who cares about me worry. I realized i gotta be tough to protect my little brother and other people i care about.

Even now, maybe my story is ambiguous. I was never the story teller. I'm not even sure if i'm a “everyday hero”. All I know is I do things for the right things. Well for the most parts. I'm the brother who would do anything for his little one.  The guy who doesn't let being teased affect him.